Twitter Simulator

I think the idea of Twitter is cool, but really who's got the time for it? I'm kind of a Facebook man myself, but I can't ignore something that's smack dab in the pop cultural zeitgeist, like Twitter is right now. So I've collected some of my Facebook status updates from the past few months, and put them together in this Twitter simulator.

DGB is tired, but can't go to sleep before his wife, because he snores pretty bad when he's falling asleep. (There you go, my life laid bare for your amusement.)

DGB knows that you never engage in a battle of wits with a Sicilian when death is on the line.

DGB wants to thank Dave for putting that stupid Killers song in his head. Why do I have to make a choice between being a human and being a dancer?

DGB promises to make something of himself someday. He'll show you all!

DGB is thirsty. But knows if he drinks water now, he's just going to have to wake up and pee in a few hours.

DGB doesn't think he'll ever be over Macho Grande.

DGB is purposely leaving his status vague in order to provide a greater sense of mystery.

DGB wonders how the baby knows the moment when her mom leaves the house and starts wailing. Why? Why do you do this?

DGB is impressed that his wife not only Wii'd last night, but seemed to enjoy it.

DGB is putting himself up for "father of the year" because he managed the morning alone with both kids. Will try not to hurt my arm patting myself on the back.

DGB thinks it's kind of sick and wrong that they serve seafood at the aquarium cafe, but ordered some anyway.

DGB would like to announce that he and Bart are now friends.

DGB is movin' on up. But sadly, does not have a deluxe apartment in the sky.

DGB is trying really hard to think of a status update that will make you all laugh and cry.

DGB is counting the number of times he's been vomited on by his son. For those of you playing at home, the total is 3.

DGB, a rabbi and a talking chicken walk into a bar...

DGB is attempting to de-stress the cat. No that's not a euphemism.

DGB is going to the store. Anyone need anything?