Morphing Into What I Feared Most

I couldn't be more excited to present my first ever guest post, written by none other than WonderWife™ herself. You've come to know her through me, so I wanted to give her a chance to speak for herself. I'm thrilled she took me up on it. Please enjoy...I think that you will.

It’s been well documented that not only am I a self-proclaimed “not geek,” but that I have a great disdain for most things geek, including but not limited to: Comic-Con, gadgets, anything Sci-Fi, video games, and most pop culture. Unless you’re the 20-something bachelors of The Big Bang Theory (No, I do not watch it. But DGB does. Of course.), then there is simply not enough space in any one abode for more than a single geek. The place would be overwrought with gizmos, not to mention the cacophony of gadgets, each with their own beeps, whirls, and various other annoying sounds. I imagine that the noise would cause some sort of aneurysm and I would die a slow death as I bled from my ears.

It was this past week that I bought a new toy for myself – a hoity-toity sewing machine that I’ve been jonsin’ on for quite a while. Unlike DGB, I did not research the thing to death. I did a quickie web search, found one that had the capabilities I wanted, was a price that I knew to be reasonable, read a few customer reviews, and was satisfied. All in the span of 5 minutes. I assure you, it really is that easy to make a purchase. As I added the machine to my shopping cart, DGB asked if I had read the online reviews on it. The he clarified, “From multiple sites?” I just sighed. I was nearly ready to complete my transaction when all of the sudden DGB yelled, “Wait! Have you bought it yet? No? Go to Pricegrabber. Quickly. Just to make sure you’re getting the best price.”

The man simply cannot help himself. He was practically twitching knowing that I was buying a machine without going to at least 7 different cross-referenced websites. So I did it. For him. I looked at reviews for this model at another website and checked the other online prices. It was 10 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back only to find out that I already had the best price and that the reviews on one site were just as glowing as the reviews on the next. Which is to say, I learned nothing new by cross referencing to death. Vindicated, I finished my transaction.

I typically don’t give instruction manuals much more time than it takes to toss on the floor as I’m tearing the packaging off of whatever it is that I just bought. I might go back to reference it if I have a question, but by and large, instruction manuals are neglected by me. DGB, on the other hand, cracks ‘em open first thing. He’ll leave a new toy alone and forgotten for hours as he meticulously pours though every word of his instruction manual. By the last page, he knows every single function of his new gadget. I might figure out how to do about half that just by tinkering with it, but half of the thousands of functions that most electronics come with these days is plenty of function for me.

Three days later, my new machine arrives. And this puppy is unlike any machine that I’ve ever used. Short of plugging it in, I don’t even know where to start. It’s not like when you give up your old digital camera for a new one and so you pretty much know how to use the new one. This was like receiving a package from Mars. So I sat down, took a deep breath, and opened up the instruction manual. I read. And read. And read. At last I tried sewing with it.

As DGB came into my studio to have a look, I couldn’t help but to exclaim, “Look! Look at this! Look what it does! And here – look at this function. And see this? It can do this, too.”

Always the pragmatist, he asked, “How did you figure all of this out already? You just got it today."

I looked up from my sewing rather sheepishly and admitted that I had read the instruction manual cover to cover. His eyes widened and the beginnings of a smirk appeared at the sides of his mouth. But true to gallant form, he simply nodded and turned to leave. As he reached the door, he turned back, walked over to me and whispered in my ear, "Booyah! You're a geek too."